He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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