I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
