i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
