Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
