Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize