and she was petting her beer can
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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