literally had 100 drinks last night.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
