my vag is so smooth its legendary
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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