that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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