Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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