I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
