I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
