I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
