My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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