I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
