my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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