Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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