First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
