I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize