Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
