Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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