If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
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Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
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Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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