do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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