I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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