If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
