I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
two words: eviction party
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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