my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
