I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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