sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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