Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
