If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
