oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Welp...herpes.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
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