Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
