im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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