JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
It's rum buckets o'clock
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize