He is like the real live version of the state fair..
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
