well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
