singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
