just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
