The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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