Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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