Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
