I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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