you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
