he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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