You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
