3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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