Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
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i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
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Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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