is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You took a bar mat shot.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
