its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
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You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
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You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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