OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
