I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
