Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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