i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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