I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
