My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
