It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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